Hey! Don’t forget to put carrots out for Odin and his octopedal horse, lest the Krampus steal you away in the night and whip you to death in the forest. This is real Christmastime, everyone! What a season.

Faith in a magical severed head that foretold the future made this country strong, and it can make her strong again.

Just kidding, y’all! Happy actual birthday, Jesus!