I know it’s easy to poke fun at someone for justifying the existence of something as unbelievable (in the literal sense) as God with something as simple as, like, the freaking tides. But if you really think about it, wouldn’t it be nice if we all had a stalker in the clouds, fretting about the sort of shit we said before shoving down our food?

Ehh, what am I saying. Dude created the moon! America’s moon. Who doesn’t love the moon?