When encountered with a problem or an unusual situation, it’s always very important that you abandon a measured, logical reaction in lieu of losing your goddamned mind. Here’s an easy guide:

Step One: Wake up. Look outside your window. Is something happening? Has something happened? Is there… weather?

Step Two: Think. Is this thing going to impact you in a minuscule, yet still negative, way? Take some time to really think yourself into a tizzy and blow that motherfucker right out of proportion.

Step Three: Log on to something on the internet. Anything, anywhere. Scroll around. Has anyone else said anything about the thing? Make sure you have something to really one-up everyone you know. Feel free to embellish. Yeah,  so you had to wait for a long time for the train ? I had to saw off my own legs to escape a car buried in a snow bank after careening off a cliff.

Step Four: You are ready to complain, on the internet! Congratulations.

See everyone Monday.