DUE DILIGENCE UPDATE: I am a moron and chirrup is a real thing? I don’t even know anymore.

SO: I live in New York. And there are a whole ton of bars and restaurants that are just absolutely wonderful. And you can walk into them, as if the owners wanted people to enjoy what they offer.

And then there are the secret sandwich houses and motorized crawfish boils and boat parties and underground strip clubs and bars inside phony telephone booths and rooftop beekeepers and coffee shops in the sewer and swimming pools in fake dumpsters and that gladiator arena built into the cliffs under Fort Tryon park and secret mixology bars inside of elephant carcasses under the central park zoo with their precious bitters and ice systems. And I am not allowed to go to those places because nobody tells me because maybe my pants aren’t tight enough or whatever. So I made this comic strip, to catalog my terrible, intense, burning jealousy. FRUMP FRUMP FRUMP I AM AN OLD MAN